Hi, I’m Jordana. I am a Chinese American adoptee with two gay dads, a nonbiological brother and I grew up with a Jewish background. To give you a visual, I am 5’3, 155 lbs, decently tan, toned with a shaved head. My nose is very Asian-likelike and cute while my eyebrows have been one of my features I am most proud of. I lucked out.
Recently, I graduated from college, and with that comes the post-grad life crisis. I am in deep. I have no idea where to go and I am drowning in the voices of others telling me what my life should look like. So I wanted to take a second to map out what I want. It is as many might call it unconventional, but I am saying this with no apology. I am me. I don’t want to be like so many who look back on their life looking at others saying “I wish I had the guts to do that.” I do have the guts and I am going to do it. I mean, come on, I already shaved my head.
For starters, how do I want to look? I love my shaved head, but maybe I would add some color. I always loved pastel pink, but have never tried it. I have had blue, a streak of red, blonde, and a few other highlights in the mix. I want to continue my fitness journey and keep the shredded legs I have currently. I want a tattoo in the future maybe of my birth name in the handwriting of my birth parents. I might when I am older get a face tattoo, because fuck it. Or I will get a lip tattoo with something stupid in it. I want a new cartilage piercing, a nose piercing, and a third hole. I want to experiment with wigs and go out and be anyone I want to be.
Next, how do I want to act? I want to act in ways that make me happy. Why would I want to do otherwise? Ultimately, this is my life and I don’t want to waste it. I don’t see myself being happy at any mundane job where my soul is not being fed and my passion is not being fueled. I know sometimes we youngins act on feelings and emotions, but why force ourselves to do something we know will make us unhappy? Happiness is fleeting but satisfaction can be consistent and is attainable. I want to be authentic and fearless. I want to live.
But how do I get paid for this? That is what I need to figure out. One thing I am figuring out is a trading skill for the opportunity. I am an adrenaline junkie and I love physical activity. I recently emailed an archery range, ropes course, and trampoline park if I could get free admission in exchange for photo and video content of the activities. I am currently saving money at part-time jobs, but I still want to have some fun. So this is hopefully one way I can enjoy activities in a cost-effective manner while building my resume.
The careers and job opportunities that have come my way have been short of excitement. Many more job-experienced adults tell me how I cannot expect to love my first job or the first few years at all. Why does it have to be that way? Is that because all of them are going for traditional jobs where you work in the communications department and just serve your purpose and clock out? I need something fulfilling. And I have a few ideas of what that could be.
I can see myself being a traveler or someone who leads others on an adventure. Something similar to being a guide. Not just your average tour guide, but someone who challenges you to be fearless not only in physicality but emotionally and mentally. I would spend time with a small group and work to cultivate a healthy and strong bond with one another. This can be catered to their interests. I would handpick clients who I feel I can match their interests and give them the best experience possible. For example, we would travel together, do writing workshops, learn new languages, push our body's limits through hiking or adrenaline rush activities, and storytelling. We could create art in any medium and just let the mind take us where it wants to go. The experience is supposed to be transformative but most importantly, fulfilling. The clients would need to be open to growth and be open to putting themselves in uncomfortable positions. With the group chosen, they will be able to form strong bonds and a support network that will last past the time of the program. Maybe on my journey with the different groups, I can start a podcast to share the experience with others.
Surprisingly, writing this article I think I found what I want to do. I think I found what feeds my soul. Human connection and growth. Pushing limits and discovering oneself. You only live once so why not do what you want. I live for adventure. I live for the breakthrough moments in life. The moment when you experience that discomfort and come out stronger on the other side. I live for me. I hope if you took anything away from this mish-mosh is that do what makes your heart full. Do what will make you feel satisfied. Don’t live your life for others because that will only lead to suffering. On the other side of fear is bliss. I’m fucking terrified. But I am more terrified to live a life of unfulfillment.